There are several reasons why I moved to Europe. Among them to travel, get a different perspective and of course, to improve my German. As a perk to my job, I get to attend language courses of my choice. So having the evening free (and the day really) I decided I would drop in on a German course (book 3) that my colleague teaches. In my class I had (I'm assuming nationalities now) two Russians, a Polish girl, another American that came later, a girl from, SE Asia and a Turk. All there to improve our German. Turns out my conversation skills are a bit higher than the class but since I'm not enrolling in it full-time, its quite acceptable for me to sit on this class from time to time. Anyway, my German grammar can use a fresher. I hadn't been in a class since April.
I don't know if I'm in that "find myself" period of my life. Should I be? Should I have already "found myself" by now? Sometimes I think I'm stupid for moving to Aachen, sight unseen, to accept a job that pays moderately at best (my saving grace being the poor exchange rate to the dollar). My colleague and all around fantastic guy,Bruce drove me home last night. He moved here in 2006 for his girlfriend. We were talking and told me that I was brave. Brave? Me? I'm the type of person who dashes through dark basements to get to the door and finds the light quickly. I don't swim in dark water either. And here I am being called brave. He told me it takes a lot of guts to do what I did. And I stopped for a moment and thought about it. I guess it does. I moved to a foreign country, didn't know anybody, accepted a job sight unseen, found my own apartment, and did the things that one has problems doing in his/her own country and I did it here. I don't really think about it too much, I just do it. Sure, I ask for help when I need it but mostly I'm living as an independent person in a foreign country and that is a strange thought.
Faye (who moved here with her boyfriend) and I were discussing being a foreign national. Living and working like a German in Germany, but Americans. Not always understanding customs and beliefs or ways of life or, the language. I had to go to H&M to pick up some socks and we couldn't figure out what the German word for "tag" or "label" is. Faye said I should ask and I told her that in general my rule in foreign countries was to blend in as much as possible and asking what a label is called would disqualify me and make me known as a foreigner. And then she told me:
Yes, but then you're not being true to yourself.
And that kind of hit me.She's right. I'm not a German (nor do I really want to be, although an EU Passport wouldn't hurt) I'm an American living in Germany. While I should assimilate as much as possible, I feel as though there eventually comes a limit. My accent will never be 100%, I'll have a slight American twang for the rest of my life I'm sure. I'll never really warm up to grocery shopping in Germany or Sunday's of doing nothing. But I appreciate many things as well. It's a strange feeling to not quite fit in.
I wonder how my self-perception will change over the next few years.
1 comment:
Thats an eye-opener. I always thought that assimilation was important but now its not being true to oneself? Wow. That's deep. I thought it was cool because it was a James Bond/Indiana Jones complex where you could be anywhere and be able to blend, but now it sounds like a failure to accept "who you are" and trying to hide from yourself.
Verdammt. That is still pretty deep.
-Brian
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